If you knew the exact expiration date for a person, would that alter anything? would you treat them differently? would you pity them? or make their last days memorable? I think of this often because there's a saying that people are in your life for one of the three purposes: 1. A reason 2. A season 3. A lifetime. If you're like me, it can be hard deciphering what category certain people fill. In most cases we would like people to be in our lives for a lifetime, but that isn't the way life works, unfortunately.
I often wonder if it's better to know how long someone will be around versus not, especially in relationships. On one hand I would like to know so that when the time comes I'll be prepared, but on the other, maybe I wouldn't give my all because I know it won't last. And the same in friendships, it wouldn't be as devastatingly surprising if I already know the person won't be around long, but I could never fully be a great friend because I know.
Two months ago, I had my first encounter with expiration dates with people, something I had longed for, but not in the way I had expected. My then 72 year old grandfather, whom we affectionately called "Pa Pa" had been in ICU for well over two weeks before he was transferred to the hospice section, after being diagnosed with lung cancer. His somewhat regular stints in the hospital weren't unusual to us, every few months he would stop eating or act unusual and would be admitted into the hospital; and he would be doing good...no smoking or drinking; and would pick up weight and look like his usual happy self by the time he was released by doctor's, who couldn't find anything wrong with him. This time was different... we were told that it was too late to do treatments because the cancer had spread so drastically, and because he'd lost so much weight he wouldn't be able to withstand it all. They gave us a round-about time frame for his life expectancy (which wasn't very long, a week or two at best), and we watched as he spent his last days in a hospital bed hooked up to a breathing machine.
August 22, 2013 I lost the only consistent father figure I've ever known. He was not only my Pa Pa, he was the only male I could depend on. When my dad wasn't there for birthdays, graduations, and holidays he was. When I needed clothes, shoes, or Christmas presents, he was always there to pick up the slack and help my mom so that I, or any of my cousin's wouldn't feel the impact of not having two parents. I am at peace with his death because I know that he knew how much I loved and appreciated him, and I know that he lived an amazing life.
If you are ever so lucky as to meet such a selfless person as my Pa Pa was, cherish it. People like that are rare, especially in this day and age. I encourage you to appreciate all that you have even if it isn't much; Focus on the things that matter in life, like family and self happiness. And make sure people know the impact they've had in your life while they can still hear it, you never know when their expiration date will be.
" If you admire somebody you should go ahead and tell em', people never get the flowers while they can still smell em' "- Kanye West
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