Let it Be (A peek into my psyche)

Just two nights ago I found myself sad and consumed with negative thoughts in regards to my personal life. No matter the circumstance, my relationships and friendships always seem to be short lived. I used to think it was me, but as I thought about it more, I realized the people that matter (mainly family) remained.

For years I have envisioned my future... thriving career woman, but single. I have never seen myself with a husband, as odd as that may seem. That is not to say I don't want one, I would love to have a teammate to grow with throughout life, but for some reason or another, it just doesn't seem attainable... or at least not in my head.

I wouldn't be honest with you all if I wasn't honest with myself. My blog is devoted to positivity, inspiration and motivational ideas, but I wouldn't be human if I didn't address my fears every so often. Facing yourself, flaws and all, fears on the table, with no distraction is the purest honesty in life.

Sunday it suddenly hit me... that the man I've been dating for 7 months is slowly drifting away from me, and will move out of the country in only a few short months and go on with life. I was immediately mournful just thinking of how he'll date other women and eventually get married and have kids. I don't know why I can see marriage, or even relationships for everyone but myself.

I've always heard "you'll find love when you least expect it", and "when you go looking you'll find what you don't need." But where exactly is this love supposed to come from? I've become so discouraged with dating, and even more so finding a soul mate. Then I've heard "Do what you love and you'll meet someone with similar interests" but hello ! I'm doing that ! I'm writing every damn day where is he?! lol

I don't desire to date a hundred men to tell me what I don't want, I already know what I do. I know exactly what I want... I want it ALL. I want an amazing career, husband and family. But I often question if it's attainable, and if so... for how long? It always seems like people in my life have short expiration dates, which I have to admit has made me quite standoffish and resistant to meet new people.

With that being said, when I get in moods like this where I am on the brink of depression, I have to step back and let it be. And as fate would have it, I stumbled upon this tweet today.

Be happy.. Let go of what's gone, be grateful for what remains & look forward to whats coming
— Rev Run (@RevRunWisdom) January 5, 2014

I can't change the past, I can't predict the future, but I can be happy in the present. Negativity will only consume and deter me. I choose to be happy. And whatever God has for me will be. I cannot concern myself with things I have no control over, I can only live for today.

*** If you made it this far this message is for you:

I love you for reading this, for supporting me and helping me better myself. You all have given me a platform to freely express my ideas, be vulnerable, and share my craft and for that I am truly grateful.We all are in this life together, though traveling different journeys... what unites us is greater than what separates us. Thank you for taking time out of your day to read what I have to say, it means more to me than you'll ever know.